Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
me + whiskey = a bad person
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
