this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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