We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dick very happy bro
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
