in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
