I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is the high leading the old right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
