Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
MIDGETS
????
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
