Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
