Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
