just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
