Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
