matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.