Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.