Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance