Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?

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  (413): I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old? http://tfl.nu/y7lt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.

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  (613): somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex. http://tfl.nu/eqpv
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand

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  (978): During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand http://tfl.nu/wt71
  Replies (35) Good night (4115) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot

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  (570): six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot http://tfl.nu/fwe0
  Replies (9) Good night (3788) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that

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  (217): You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that http://tfl.nu/ym20
  Replies (53) Good night (1258) Bad night (2848) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.

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  (508): VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING. http://tfl.nu/vx02
  Replies (22) Good night (5092) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.

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  (817): I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe. http://tfl.nu/w5m0
  Replies (6) Good night (3556) Bad night (1614) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.

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  (404): I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea. http://tfl.nu/5w1q
  Replies (19) Good night (643) Bad night (5004) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.

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  (617): I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/pj90
  Replies (8) Good night (1092) Bad night (3948) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  you seemed to enjoy falling down hill

  (540): View more from Virginia

  wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint

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  (703): you seemed to enjoy falling down hill (540): wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint http://tfl.nu/kb4o
  Replies (4) Good night (1211) Bad night (519)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.

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  (317): Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing. http://tfl.nu/j9h2
  Replies (16) Good night (1658) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

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  (479): Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes. http://tfl.nu/b7x1
  Replies (22) Good night (1306) Bad night (605)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song

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  (513): I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song http://tfl.nu/4m2s
  Replies (9) Good night (291) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.

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  (920): I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it. http://tfl.nu/sqkc
  Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (120) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.

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  (901): I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home. http://tfl.nu/sdsj
  Replies (3) Good night (690) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt

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