I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
