i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
