Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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