I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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