you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i out mim tonsoeep
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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