the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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