so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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