Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
