she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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