There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
