hotel room ftw
You just made me feel so damn special
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
