Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
