I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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