Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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