he puts the penis in happiness.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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