How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
