you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This toilet bowl is my home.
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