I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
