He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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