Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
