dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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