im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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