I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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