PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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