I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
