Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
