the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
