just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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