ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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