I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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