theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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