This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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