Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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