wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
