I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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