we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
