the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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