I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize