I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
