My first STD was from a foam party
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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