Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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