mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
