Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
