Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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