didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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