put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
