shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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