your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Im part way to drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
