the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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